"Straw Poll"

The White House says it will start saving us all money by purchasing things in bulk. It looks like Costco has a new shopper!

A Republican member of congress says the Obama tax increases would make him unable to feed his family on a $400k budget. Where does this guy eat? At a baseball stadium?

Nigeria's government is telling people to ignore rumors that a phone call from a certain number will kill the person taking the call. This is what Americans call "a chain letter".

Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul has won California's straw poll. And by "straw poll", I mean the candidate that sucks the most.

Moammar Qaddafi says his regime is still alive in Libya. I'd compare his regime to the playoff chances of the Cincinnati Bengals.

Touring a meat processing plant in Iowa, Michele Bachmann was photographed among hanging beef. I wonder if touring a place with a lot of meat was Marcus' idea.

A kindergartner in Missouri brought a bag of crystal meth and a crack pipe to school for show and tell. I know what you all are thinking: Mom of the Year!

Starbucks is being sued after a hidden video camera was found in one of the unisex bathrooms. They said they are going to take about three weeks to look at the evidence.

Gisele Bundchen, supermodel wife of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, was stopped for speeding in Massachusetts and given only a verbal warning. As to where she was going, I would rule out any place with food.

Paula Abdul says that Simon Cowell has been her “best teacher”. I didn't know Simon Cowell knew how to swallow ten pills at once.

Casey Anthony says that she has "a lot of regrets". Let's hope killing her daughter is one of them.

A woman with a large Afro had her hair searched for bombs at an Atlanta airport. Even worse, the Afro wasn't on her head.

That's all I have for today! I'm so sorry for that last joke. Anyway, more tomorrow!