"A Wailing Baby"

Winds of up to 100-mph were clocked in the Chicago area on Tuesday. Now what do they call Chicago again?

George Clooney and his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis have broken up. I wonder who his new cougar girlfriend is going to be.

President Obama silenced a wailing baby on the lawn of the White House this week. It's like he was golfing with Boehner all over again.

The FDA says problems with breast implants grow over a 10-year period. Actually, they don't grow, they sag.

Congressmen Ron Paul and Barney Frank are going to introduce a bill to legalize marijuana. I don't know about Ron Paul, but the last thing Barney Frank needs right now is the munchies.

A study says that babies tend to favor Picasso over Monet. What do they know? For God's sake, they're babies.

Researchers say that a few bad habits like watching TV. eating chips and drinking soda can add pounds over the years. Do you know what Americans call this? "Super Bowl Sunday".

Fried Kool-Aid is making its debut in San Diego. And I thought Jim Jones made Kool-Aid that will kill you.

Google has become the first website to notch one billion unique visitors in a month. One billion unique visitors in one month; just like Paris Hilton's vagina.

Tbat's all I have for today! More tomorrow!