"Fecal Matter"

Michelle Obama says the President is not a fan of the Kardashian’s TV shows. Well at least something good can be said about an Obama.

The Cincinnati Bengals traded Carson Palmer to the Oakland Raiders. I hope the door hit him on the way out.

A researcher at Texas Tech says Americans vote for presidential candidates who are tall. It's too bad Yao Ming is Chinese.

Actress Reese Witherspoon says on Saturdays she gets her nails done and makes out with good friend Jennifer Aniston. In other news, the population in Hollywood has increased by 950%.

The driver of a Lickety Split ice cream truck was sentenced for selling drugs from the same truck. I miss the old days where ice cream truck drivers were pedophiles, not drug dealers.

President Obama accused Republicans of wanting dirtier air, dirtier water and fewer people with health insurance. And by "Republicans", he means Chris Christie.

An 11 year old boy has enrolled at the University of Minnesota. Me and him are the only two people in the world who are guaranteed never to get laid in college.

A study says that fecal matter was found on one in six cell phones. The other five phones don't have the vibrate feature.

A study says that fecal matter was found on one in six cell phones. The other five were never smuggled into prison.

A report says knee injuries are on the rise in young people. That report is called "My medical history".

That's all I have for today. Goodbye Carson Palmer, and good riddance. Anyway, more coming soon!