"Large Quantities"

A poll says that half of all Germans are obese or overweight. I'm not saying it's bad, but every time someone does a Nazi salute, they have a cheeseburger in their hand.

A new book says that President Obama and Mitt Romney got their health care ideas from President Nixon. That explains why there are approximately six f-bombs per page.

The Screen Actors Guild is telling IMDb.com to stop publishing actors’ ages on their website. I'm guessing this is an organization run by older women.

The FDA says that eating black licorice in large quantities can cause heart problems. Also, drinking in large quantities can cause liver failure.

Jack Hanna called the killing of the exotic animals in Ohio "the 9/11 of the animal world". To be fair, it did involve a lunatic that killed himself.

Jack Hanna called the killing of the exotic animals in Ohio "the 9/11 of the animal world". The difference between the animal killings and the actual 9/11 is that nobody cares about animals.

Lady Gaga is going to perform at an Indian Formula One racing event. She should have performed at the Indiana State Fair.

A boy in Pennsylvania died after smoking synthetic pot. The theme to his funeral will be "he had it coming".

That's all I have for today! More coming later!